Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men once more.
Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment
I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many gay men have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and engaging in endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.
- The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
