"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."
Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.
Yet the truth rapidly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.
Life-threatening health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.
"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.
After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.
The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.
His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.
'It's not weak to seek assistance
Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to open up amongst men, who often hold onto negative notions of manhood.
Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."
"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.
Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.
They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the family.
Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a break - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.
He realised he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.
When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.
'Parenting yourself
That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.
He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.
Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.
The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.
As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.
Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.
"You turn to things that don't help," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."
Advice for Managing as a New Father
- Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
- Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
- Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
- Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
- Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your household.
When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.
In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.
When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.
The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.
"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.
"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."
